On Being White and Being a Woman
Before I continue any further in this blog, I want to point out that my experiences here in Iksan (and the rest of South Korea), both good and bad, are substantially influenced by my appearance as a white woman. In Korea, I fit the stereotypical image of "American": light hair, blue eyes, pointy nose. Over the first week I had lots of students tell me that they loved my blue eyes, which was sweet but also disappointing when several told me, "I wish my eyes looked like yours." I always responded with, "I think your eyes are beautiful!" but sometimes it was unclear if they took it to heart. My appearance doesn't challenge my students' (or anyone else's) ideas of what Americans look like, and I am afforded many privileges here.
In Iksan, there are very few non-Asians and I definitely stand out. People usually do not expect me to speak Korean, and when I say simple words or phrases I am often met with surprise and enthusiastic praise. Many have also been quite surprised when I am able to use chopsticks or eat spicy food, and no one questions me when I say I am American, which is not always the case for other ETAs who do not appear white. While I cannot speak for them, stories I have heard include ETAs of color being corrected with statements like, "no, you're Indian," or "no you're Korean," or "but where are you really from?" It's important to keep in mind that my story is only one version of what it is like to be an expat in South Korea.
Observing gender dynamics has also been very interesting, and my status as a single lady seems to be more significant here. My host family and co-workers are sometimes surprised when I do things by myself like go running or go to a coffee shop (part of this is also probably due to the fact that I am a foreigner). If I go to a cafe by myself, I am almost always the only woman sitting alone, and when I walk around downtown most of the other women are in groups or with a boyfriend/husband. I am frequently asked if I have a boyfriend (or as one man put it, "are you attached?"). In my first lesson for each class, I allowed 5 minutes for students to ask me anything they wanted, and the first question was almost always, "Teacher you are so pretty! Do you have a boyfriend?" While I decided not to tell them my relationship status, it seems that many of them assume that being pretty=boyfriend, and boyfriend=success.
That is not to say that my students aren't driven academically; I teach at one of the top schools in the area and South Korea's educational system is extremely competitive. However, traditional gender norms are still very strong in South Korean culture (the country was rated 115th out of 145 in the Global Gender Gap Index in 2013, compared to the United States at 28 and Iceland which got 1st). In a more extreme way than the United States, women are taught to turn to men and look for boyfriends in order to validate their worth, and being physically attractive is often treated as just as important as one's personality. This is of course not the case for every single woman, and physical appearance can be personally validating and separate from trying to appeal to others. Yet from my own observations and readings, where the United States has started to move forward, South Korea has stayed put. LGBTQ+ identities are also more or less taboo.
One of the biggest factors in gender inequality is that working mothers are much rarer here than in the U.S. and other countries. Women's graduation rates and workforce participation are practically equal to men's until they reach their 30s when there is a sudden drop. It is not only the norm for women to stop working to raise their kids, it is the expectation. Once women leave the career ladder, they don't really have the opportunity to return to the same place, and therefore they really must choose between having a family and having a job. For middle-class families, the workaholic woman-who-does-it-all is uncommon, and as far as I can tell the concept of a father who stays at home or takes a large portion of family care is totally unheard of.
My host mother, for example, is a stay-at-home mom who does everything; she wakes up the family, cooks breakfast and dinner every day, takes everyone's dishes from the table and washes them, does laundry every day(!), cleans up after the kids when they leave things around, and helps my youngest host sister with her homework, among other things. The expectation is that stay-at-home moms are needed because the kids' only responsibility is to study and the father's responsibility is to go to work. I try to help my host mother where I can, but I also worry about the risk of taking away a sense of purpose.
(If this is interesting to you, I highly suggest this article on South Korea's decreasing population:
http://www.businessinsider.com/why-south-korea-is-becoming-the-oldest-country-2016-1?pundits_only=0&get_all_comments=1&no_reply_filter=1)
My host father told me an old story that is a joke, but can basically be boiled down to this: girls want attractive boyfriends when they are young, then they start to care about personality and money, then when they are older money is the only important thing. Boys and men only care about physical attractiveness their whole lives.
From what I have seen, there is definitely a huge emphasis on looks for women, many of which are also based on whiteness and western beauty ideals. It is considered very socially acceptable to check one's appearance and touch up in public, and sometimes I have to tell my students to put their hand mirrors and makeup away. There are full-length mirrors everywhere, including one in my office, three in the lobby of the school, and in Seoul they are all over the subways. I went hiking with my host family yesterday and there was even a full-length mirror halfway up the trail and another at the summit, I guess in case you need to check out how red and sweaty you are. My host mother and I both laughed at the ridiculousness of it, but it reflects the larger pressures to always look presentable. The focus on physical appearance and improvement is not random though; a lot of it points back to Korea's Confucian ideals and national history of resilience, which is far more detailed than I can describe in this blog post. I highly suggest this article from the New Yorker though, which touches on Korea's history in connection to high rates of plastic surgery:
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/23/about-face.
On a different note, while sexual harassment is still a major problem in the workplace and at home, street harassment is extremely rare in comparison to the United States and other countries. I have not experienced a single catcall in the time that I have been in South Korea (in large contrast to Spain, where I usually expected it when I left the apartment). Again, it is possible that being white could have some influence in this too, but it is nice to know that South Korea's crime rate is far lower than the United States'. I get curious looks and stares sometimes, but I generally feel safer on these streets (don't worry Mom and Dad, I am still being careful).
Over the next few weeks, with a short interruption for exams, I am teaching a unit on international beauty standards, beauty ideals in South Korea and what influences them, and 'real beauty' aka being a strong and kind person. So far, this has really struck a cord with many of my students and they participated far more than they usually do. I know that my presence in this country is only a drop in the bucket, but I am excited to be starting the conversation with the girls in my classes.
In Iksan, there are very few non-Asians and I definitely stand out. People usually do not expect me to speak Korean, and when I say simple words or phrases I am often met with surprise and enthusiastic praise. Many have also been quite surprised when I am able to use chopsticks or eat spicy food, and no one questions me when I say I am American, which is not always the case for other ETAs who do not appear white. While I cannot speak for them, stories I have heard include ETAs of color being corrected with statements like, "no, you're Indian," or "no you're Korean," or "but where are you really from?" It's important to keep in mind that my story is only one version of what it is like to be an expat in South Korea.
Observing gender dynamics has also been very interesting, and my status as a single lady seems to be more significant here. My host family and co-workers are sometimes surprised when I do things by myself like go running or go to a coffee shop (part of this is also probably due to the fact that I am a foreigner). If I go to a cafe by myself, I am almost always the only woman sitting alone, and when I walk around downtown most of the other women are in groups or with a boyfriend/husband. I am frequently asked if I have a boyfriend (or as one man put it, "are you attached?"). In my first lesson for each class, I allowed 5 minutes for students to ask me anything they wanted, and the first question was almost always, "Teacher you are so pretty! Do you have a boyfriend?" While I decided not to tell them my relationship status, it seems that many of them assume that being pretty=boyfriend, and boyfriend=success.
That is not to say that my students aren't driven academically; I teach at one of the top schools in the area and South Korea's educational system is extremely competitive. However, traditional gender norms are still very strong in South Korean culture (the country was rated 115th out of 145 in the Global Gender Gap Index in 2013, compared to the United States at 28 and Iceland which got 1st). In a more extreme way than the United States, women are taught to turn to men and look for boyfriends in order to validate their worth, and being physically attractive is often treated as just as important as one's personality. This is of course not the case for every single woman, and physical appearance can be personally validating and separate from trying to appeal to others. Yet from my own observations and readings, where the United States has started to move forward, South Korea has stayed put. LGBTQ+ identities are also more or less taboo.
One of the biggest factors in gender inequality is that working mothers are much rarer here than in the U.S. and other countries. Women's graduation rates and workforce participation are practically equal to men's until they reach their 30s when there is a sudden drop. It is not only the norm for women to stop working to raise their kids, it is the expectation. Once women leave the career ladder, they don't really have the opportunity to return to the same place, and therefore they really must choose between having a family and having a job. For middle-class families, the workaholic woman-who-does-it-all is uncommon, and as far as I can tell the concept of a father who stays at home or takes a large portion of family care is totally unheard of.
My host mother, for example, is a stay-at-home mom who does everything; she wakes up the family, cooks breakfast and dinner every day, takes everyone's dishes from the table and washes them, does laundry every day(!), cleans up after the kids when they leave things around, and helps my youngest host sister with her homework, among other things. The expectation is that stay-at-home moms are needed because the kids' only responsibility is to study and the father's responsibility is to go to work. I try to help my host mother where I can, but I also worry about the risk of taking away a sense of purpose.
(If this is interesting to you, I highly suggest this article on South Korea's decreasing population:
http://www.businessinsider.com/why-south-korea-is-becoming-the-oldest-country-2016-1?pundits_only=0&get_all_comments=1&no_reply_filter=1)
My host father told me an old story that is a joke, but can basically be boiled down to this: girls want attractive boyfriends when they are young, then they start to care about personality and money, then when they are older money is the only important thing. Boys and men only care about physical attractiveness their whole lives.
From what I have seen, there is definitely a huge emphasis on looks for women, many of which are also based on whiteness and western beauty ideals. It is considered very socially acceptable to check one's appearance and touch up in public, and sometimes I have to tell my students to put their hand mirrors and makeup away. There are full-length mirrors everywhere, including one in my office, three in the lobby of the school, and in Seoul they are all over the subways. I went hiking with my host family yesterday and there was even a full-length mirror halfway up the trail and another at the summit, I guess in case you need to check out how red and sweaty you are. My host mother and I both laughed at the ridiculousness of it, but it reflects the larger pressures to always look presentable. The focus on physical appearance and improvement is not random though; a lot of it points back to Korea's Confucian ideals and national history of resilience, which is far more detailed than I can describe in this blog post. I highly suggest this article from the New Yorker though, which touches on Korea's history in connection to high rates of plastic surgery:
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/23/about-face.
On a different note, while sexual harassment is still a major problem in the workplace and at home, street harassment is extremely rare in comparison to the United States and other countries. I have not experienced a single catcall in the time that I have been in South Korea (in large contrast to Spain, where I usually expected it when I left the apartment). Again, it is possible that being white could have some influence in this too, but it is nice to know that South Korea's crime rate is far lower than the United States'. I get curious looks and stares sometimes, but I generally feel safer on these streets (don't worry Mom and Dad, I am still being careful).
Over the next few weeks, with a short interruption for exams, I am teaching a unit on international beauty standards, beauty ideals in South Korea and what influences them, and 'real beauty' aka being a strong and kind person. So far, this has really struck a cord with many of my students and they participated far more than they usually do. I know that my presence in this country is only a drop in the bucket, but I am excited to be starting the conversation with the girls in my classes.
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| My students participated more than usual when we made a list of South Korean beauty ideals together. Special shoutout to my girls who said smart brain and warm heart!! |
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