A New Year and a New Home
Hello!
As I write this, I am in the middle of a transition - hopefully in the very near future I will move out of my current homestay. To be honest, I thought about sitting down to write several times over the past month and could not bring myself to do it. It has been a hard few weeks.
While I don't want to publish all the details online, I can definitely say that this is a change that I really need. Among several issues with my host family, the largest turned out to be an unsaid expectation that I would eventually become close friends with my host sisters, and in doing so indirectly teach them English. This has not really worked out, and because of this my host parents assumed that I would do more when I felt like there was nothing left - none of this was communicated, however, until my host mother stopped talking to me for a confusing couple weeks and I had to ask her why. Over the past month, the uneasiness of my home life has been a really heavy weight on me, and I am now working with my school and Fulbright to find a new home. For a while I tried really hard to be positive, but I found myself thinking of ways to extend my trips away from Iksan or tack on days in Seoul before and after my winter travels. Now that I am leaving my host family, I don't feel that pressure anymore.
Unfortunately, this is the end of the school year in Korea so it is very difficult to find a new homestay, and because of this I will probably be moving into a studio apartment sometime in the next week. Although this isn't the ideal situation, I know many other ETAs who are living in apartments and prefer them over host families, and above all I am relieved to move out of a stressful place. I am just waiting out the last few days.
All this being said, I do have to say that in the beginning, I definitely felt welcomed and happy to be living with the family that offered me a home. It is disappointing that what was originally a good dynamic changed over time, but I also think that the longer I stayed there, the original positivity that they presented faded, and they became disappointed that I wasn't breaking through their daughters' shells and livening up the home the way they expected I would. As shown by my previous blog posts, this homestay experience had some great moments too - the circumstances have just changed. Also, if there's anything major that I have have taken away from this, it is a deeper appreciation for my own family and past homestays that have been both positive and valuable learning experiences. Feel free to message me if you want more details!
Thankfully, through this process I have been encouraged and supported by my family, other ETAs and friends, the Fulbright office (especially our amazing program coordinator), and the administration at my school (in their words, "The students have no problem with you. So we want to keep you," plus some something in Korean that sounded nice and a strong pat on the back from my vice principal). This weekend I am staying in Namwon with my friend Arya's host family for Christmas, and very soon I will be on my way to China! It feels beyond strange to not come home this year, but I also know that I am experiencing an opportunity that a lot of people do not have.
On a different note, I also got to see my friend Annie for a weekend in Seoul! Even though we spent most of our time doing touristy things, it felt like a sort of twilight zone where I got to leave my usual Korea life and slip back into something comfortable. We spent a lot of time sitting (or nearly lying down) on heated floors in tea houses, eating good food, and watching K-pop videos.^^
I've also had a nice distraction in working as a staff editor for Infusion, Fulbright Korea's literary magazine that comes out twice a year. I'll describe more information in later posts, but look out for the first issue sometime this winter!
I'd like to end this with an article that has given me a lot of inspiration and drive over the past few months. I subscribe to a weekly newsletter from the New York Times Running section, and I recently read a piece on how the most competitive runners are able to push through pain to a finish line (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/19/health/nutrition/19best.html).
Something that really stood out to me was that the winners of a race are not just talented - they focus exactly on what they are doing, they push themselves to the highest level they can maintain, and they embrace every bit of pain that comes along with it. They hurt just as much as everyone else. Gina Kolata, the author of the article, wrote about how winners often finish looking exhausted, with spit all over their faces. The New York City marathon provides towels for runners to wipe it off when they're done.
To be clear, my time in Korea is both challenging and exciting, full of highs and lows, and I am not trying to beat anyone else. Running a competitive race is not a perfect analogy. That being said, now that I am halfway through my grant year, I know that this is as much a struggle as it is an incredible experience. I am determined to make it through strong though, even if I end with saliva all over my face.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone! :)
As I write this, I am in the middle of a transition - hopefully in the very near future I will move out of my current homestay. To be honest, I thought about sitting down to write several times over the past month and could not bring myself to do it. It has been a hard few weeks.
While I don't want to publish all the details online, I can definitely say that this is a change that I really need. Among several issues with my host family, the largest turned out to be an unsaid expectation that I would eventually become close friends with my host sisters, and in doing so indirectly teach them English. This has not really worked out, and because of this my host parents assumed that I would do more when I felt like there was nothing left - none of this was communicated, however, until my host mother stopped talking to me for a confusing couple weeks and I had to ask her why. Over the past month, the uneasiness of my home life has been a really heavy weight on me, and I am now working with my school and Fulbright to find a new home. For a while I tried really hard to be positive, but I found myself thinking of ways to extend my trips away from Iksan or tack on days in Seoul before and after my winter travels. Now that I am leaving my host family, I don't feel that pressure anymore.
Unfortunately, this is the end of the school year in Korea so it is very difficult to find a new homestay, and because of this I will probably be moving into a studio apartment sometime in the next week. Although this isn't the ideal situation, I know many other ETAs who are living in apartments and prefer them over host families, and above all I am relieved to move out of a stressful place. I am just waiting out the last few days.
All this being said, I do have to say that in the beginning, I definitely felt welcomed and happy to be living with the family that offered me a home. It is disappointing that what was originally a good dynamic changed over time, but I also think that the longer I stayed there, the original positivity that they presented faded, and they became disappointed that I wasn't breaking through their daughters' shells and livening up the home the way they expected I would. As shown by my previous blog posts, this homestay experience had some great moments too - the circumstances have just changed. Also, if there's anything major that I have have taken away from this, it is a deeper appreciation for my own family and past homestays that have been both positive and valuable learning experiences. Feel free to message me if you want more details!
Thankfully, through this process I have been encouraged and supported by my family, other ETAs and friends, the Fulbright office (especially our amazing program coordinator), and the administration at my school (in their words, "The students have no problem with you. So we want to keep you," plus some something in Korean that sounded nice and a strong pat on the back from my vice principal). This weekend I am staying in Namwon with my friend Arya's host family for Christmas, and very soon I will be on my way to China! It feels beyond strange to not come home this year, but I also know that I am experiencing an opportunity that a lot of people do not have.
On a different note, I also got to see my friend Annie for a weekend in Seoul! Even though we spent most of our time doing touristy things, it felt like a sort of twilight zone where I got to leave my usual Korea life and slip back into something comfortable. We spent a lot of time sitting (or nearly lying down) on heated floors in tea houses, eating good food, and watching K-pop videos.^^
I've also had a nice distraction in working as a staff editor for Infusion, Fulbright Korea's literary magazine that comes out twice a year. I'll describe more information in later posts, but look out for the first issue sometime this winter!
I'd like to end this with an article that has given me a lot of inspiration and drive over the past few months. I subscribe to a weekly newsletter from the New York Times Running section, and I recently read a piece on how the most competitive runners are able to push through pain to a finish line (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/19/health/nutrition/19best.html).
Something that really stood out to me was that the winners of a race are not just talented - they focus exactly on what they are doing, they push themselves to the highest level they can maintain, and they embrace every bit of pain that comes along with it. They hurt just as much as everyone else. Gina Kolata, the author of the article, wrote about how winners often finish looking exhausted, with spit all over their faces. The New York City marathon provides towels for runners to wipe it off when they're done.
To be clear, my time in Korea is both challenging and exciting, full of highs and lows, and I am not trying to beat anyone else. Running a competitive race is not a perfect analogy. That being said, now that I am halfway through my grant year, I know that this is as much a struggle as it is an incredible experience. I am determined to make it through strong though, even if I end with saliva all over my face.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone! :)
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| Seoul subways are cold |
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| Gyeongbukgung Palace |
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| A cozy house with Annie and Natalia and a lot of Korean tea |
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| Arya and I made sweet potato gnocchi with her host mom! |
I love this & you!
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